Toxic Relationships: How To Detach

Anger always comes from frustrated expectations
— Elliot Larson

I wish I could give you some quick fix for detaching from toxic relationships. I can’t. You have to simply take immediate action, and know in the core of your being that it’s the right decision. Endless days of heartache, disappointment, or any kind of pain simply should not be tolerated. Again, I don’t care how much potential a person has, if they aren’t using it for their own betterment they can’t possibly be using it for yours. A good hard look in the mirror, a quick scan of your body and skin should clearly indicate that letting go is the only option. Our relationships should compliment us and challenge us -- to be our better selves.

To go higher, move forward, and let your voice be heard we have to surround ourselves with eagles, people who are soaring and taking flight daily. That’s almost impossible to do if your time is spent ensuring other people are doing all the things he or she should be doing without you; like paying their bills, or taking care of their children, or even going to work. When all of your energy is placed in mothering someone that is NOT your child then, Bitch - You're Trying It! The only person to blame for your life and its current state is you. You made the decision to open the door, now you’ve got to be brave enough to close it. You allowed the drama, nurtured it, watched it grow into a garden of weeds, and now you complain about what you tolerate. 

{Related} Toxic Relationships: Are You in One, Or Several?

Detaching 101:

Step 1: Take ownership of the role you played. This is how we learn the lesson and reason for being in that relationship. Admit that ME, MYSELF & I allowed this, and that ME, MYSELF & I can get out of this. Admit to yourself that: I took that job, dated that fool, trusted him/her as a friend and let myself get burned.

Step 2: Take out a piece of paper and write down the lessons you learned from the relationship and/or experience. You may find that all those things you hate about others like being passive/aggressive and manipulating others or being aloof are all things that can be traced right back to you. A mirror reflection of your own character that you never noticed in yourself but can easily spot in others.

The benefits of writing things down also show: 

  1. That you understand that what happened was inevitable, that everything that happens to us, good or bad was necessary for our growth - and that’s OK! 
  2.  To Thank God you didn’t kill someone, because let’s be real, you thought about it, and might have come close to doing it; and the fact that you're not in an episode of MSNBC’s “Locked Up” is a feat in itself.

When you understand that things happen for us to learn and grow and can own the role you played in learning that lesson you're now in the right space to FILL THE VOID that detaching from a toxic relationship leaves.

Remember: toxic relationships have many forms. It could be a not so hot, borderline abusive work environment. Not getting paid what you’re worth despite going above and beyond, not having your talents utilized, etc. A friendship that’s lopsided, where you give your time, talent, or overall being to a person that won’t come and support you at a FREE event when your time to shine comes up; parents or other family members that constantly try to throw a guilt trip on you are toxic too, comparing you to other siblings etc. As difficult as it can be to rid yourself of unhealthy and unfruitful relationships it is necessary in order to grow and reach your highest potential. Don't let the familiarity of toxic relationships hinder your growth and diminish your spirits!

Tomorrow: Pt 3 - Toxic Relationships: Filling the Void They Bring

As Proverbs 4:7 says - “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”